Retard Achievements Thread

[Scrud]

Yep you guessed it this thread is for the most ridiculous, pointless and downright retarded achievements out there, I would like to mention Bomberman Act Zero with these achievements:

48. Draw 100 - 5 points
You have died 100 times to time-up draws.
49. Pressure Block 100 - 5 points
You have been crushed to death 100 times by pressure blocks.
50. Self 100 - 5 points
You have died 100 times to bombs you set.

They were taken from the Wiki page (please note I did not and would not play this shite myself) I personally don't see how being shit should be an achievement 8)7

And although I am by no means an achievement whore I would also like to say that the amount of points you get in Football Manager/ Worldwide Soccer Manager is just stupid as you get 1 gamerscore for signing a player and 3 for getting a clean sheet, although I don't think they deserve much but is it really worth including these for that few points?

[JasonA]

I think leaderboard achievements are the worst, like in GRAW 1, plus there's a shit 40,000 score one in CoD3 ranked match. Now the average kills on that for a good player is 55 in a 20minute match.

I'd like to see something where other players could nominate you for achievements, or a wanker award on UNO

[xboxguy]

i think the "host 50 matches" in GOW really screws up the game and more often than not there are a zillion one round games going on. even when i got the achievement i hosted all 3 rounders. also madden 06, enter the history book screen and "activate RS card"...translation: click the right stick in a menu and boom, 10 points.

[Arian]

The flawed 'Unlock all reward cards' in NFS Carbon.

Essentially, you can't. For example (those who haven't played the game) there are three types of cars to play with; exotics, muscles, and tuners, and three achievements as well as reward cards are that you fill up your garage with all tuner, all exotics, and all muscle under one campaign. What sucks is that the reward cards you already unlocked are not carried over to the next profile, so you can unlock the ahievement but it can't happen as a rewards card, and that means you can't unlock all the reward cards.

I also hate the impossible GoW achievements, killing anyone with a specific weapon 10,000 times? That means 10,000 headshots, 10,000 grenade sticks, oi, I don't have the patience, will, or interest to go through all that.

[xMMx ToMBSToNe]

I also hate the impossible GoW achievements, killing anyone with a specific weapon 10,000 times? That means 10,000 headshots, 10,000 grenade sticks, oi, I don't have the patience, will, or interest to go through all that.

You don't have to kill with each wep 10,000 times, only 100 times per wep. still a pain in the ass.
the 10,000 kills achievement is for 10,000 total ranked kills with any combination of weps

[PaulWillocks]

i think the "host 50 matches" in GOW really screws up the game and more often than not there are a zillion one round games going on. even when i got the achievement i hosted all 3 rounders. also madden 06, enter the history book screen and "activate RS card"...translation: click the right stick in a menu and boom, 10 points.

I agree about the 'host 50 matches' on Gears. Basically nobody ever joins my matches no matter how long I wait. People just dont join rooms with only one person in them.

[kobejonez]

Any achievement that requires 10000 any thing is B$ as far as I'm concerned.
Though 10k zombies on DR would be cool..

[BruNasty]

Though 10k zombies on DR would be cool..

Well they do offer achievements for 10k kills in Dead Rising, and one for 53,594

Zombie Killer - 20
TYPE: 1 Play REQ: Defeat at least 10,000 zombies.
Zombie Genocider - 20
TYPE: 1 Play REQ: Defeat at least 53,594 zombies.

Gooooooo Wiki!!\o/

[Lotus 111s]

The best one for me, or worst should i say, is Tiger Woods 2006 achievement called appropriately 'Aren't You Sick of This Yet?' and to get these 125 points you have to do the menial task of playing 1000 games online.

1000 games online how long is that going to take? if every game only lasted lets say 1/2hr(they probably would go on a lot longer) that would be a massive 500hrs or 21 days SOLID play. CRAZY just crazy.

[Curry]

I'd like to see something where other players could nominate you for achievements, or a wanker award on UNO
"Jerked off before Live Vision cam - 20 points"? 8)7

[JasonA]

"Jerked off before Live Vision cam - 20 points"? 8)7

ha lol that made me laugh!! I have a wireless mic and I keep talking trying to talk to people when it's on mute. I press the button in too hard - im pissing myself off with that now

The flawed 'Unlock all reward cards' in NFS Carbon.

Essentially, you can't. For example (those who haven't played the game) there are three types of cars to play with; exotics, muscles, and tuners, and three achievements as well as reward cards are that you fill up your garage with all tuner, all exotics, and all muscle under one campaign. What sucks is that the reward cards you already unlocked are not carried over to the next profile, so you can unlock the ahievement but it can't happen as a rewards card, and that means you can't unlock all the reward cards.

I also hate the impossible GoW achievements, killing anyone with a specific weapon 10,000 times? That means 10,000 headshots, 10,000 grenade sticks, oi, I don't have the patience, will, or interest to go through all that.

Im confused with that need for speed one. I filled up my garage with all tuner, exotic & muscle cars all under the one campaign.

I downloaded cars from market place, when you go to a shop to buy a car, the car is free in the game. Just fill your garage out with the free cars - then sell em all, then repeat again with the free cars of another class.

[360NORML]

On TMNT arcade game:
Fall in the Sewar 5 times for 0 points

[JasonA]

On TMNT arcade game:
Fall in the Sewar 5 times for 0 points

GOD!! I thought you was joking until I checked your xbox profile...

That is retarded, an achievement worth no points - pretty soon there'll be achievements which deduct points as well as add them probably.

[TRIGGER M4N]

DOA4 had some 0 ponters as well.

[Chris]

GOD!! I thought you was joking until I checked your xbox profile...

That is retarded, an achievement worth no points - pretty soon there'll be achievements which deduct points as well as add them probably.

It was just a secret achievement.

[Draistlin]

It was just a secret achievement.

And you get it for bad playing... in Doa only other people with the zero point achievments can see in your list wich one you have... like losing 5 times in a row, 10 times, 20 times. Are not point worthy....

[PaulWillocks]

Same as the purple heart achievement on CoD3. You get it for being killed a certain amound of times and is worth 0 (i think). Incidently I do have this one just cant be bothered to check.

[Draistlin]

Same as the purple heart achievement on CoD3. You get it for being killed a certain amound of times and is worth 0 (i think). Incidently I do have this one just cant be bothered to check.

It is worth 10 I believe.

[Curry]

DOA4 had some 0 ponters as well.
Quite a lot actually. I thought MS had canned the concept after that though since I didn't see any since. TMNT is just lame again I suppose ;)

[nofear360]

It is worth 10 I believe.
Actually, it's 5 points. Btw I did it on purpose of getting those measly 5 points and not because I suck at the game :P.

Purple Heart - 5 (gp)
For perserverence despite grevious injuries.

[Draistlin]

I got it when I was stuck op Legendary (or was it vetran?) in a level... and got it totally on suprise (wo! what a sentence build that is 8)7 ). I thought it was a cool achiev. After I got it I (and I was getting desperate to do a thing over and over again) I got new hope and made it to the end :) . Just 3 levels on vetran/Legend to go...

:D

[nofear360]

I got it when I was stuck op Legendary (or was it vetran?) in a level... and got it totally on suprise (wo! what a sentence build that is 8)7 ). I thought it was a cool achiev. After I got it I (and I was getting desperate to do a thing over and over again) I got new hope and made it to the end :) . Just 3 levels on vetran/Legend to go...

:D
I thought Veteran difficulty felt too cheap. Random enemy spawning, enemy's unbelievable accuracy and line of sight and more drove me absolutely crazy, up to the point where I simply had to give up 8)7

Can someone please tell me how you can make an offtopic text appear ... offtopic lol

[DM2]

Small Arms had the 'viral achievment' where if you played with the developer or with someone who had played with the developer, or someone who had etc. you got a zero point award called six degrees of freedom. It's a nice idea but it spread very rapidly so you couldn't really avoid getting it :)

[screamidge]

FIFA 2007

Undefeated.
Remain undefeated for 50 games in Semi-Professional difficulty.|:(

[PaulWillocks]

Small Arms had the 'viral achievment' where if you played with the developer or with someone who had played with the developer, or someone who had etc. you got a zero point award called six degrees of freedom. It's a nice idea but it spread very rapidly so you couldn't really avoid getting it :)

Yeah that one was a nice idea but I downloaded the game as soon as it came out and got the achievement after my first game so wasnt really the most challenging. I think NFS:Carbon has 3 of these viral achievements in it aswell but they have proven more difficult to obtain. ;(

[Curry]

Yeah that one was a nice idea but I downloaded the game as soon as it came out and got the achievement after my first game so wasnt really the most challenging. I think NFS:Carbon has 3 of these viral achievements in it aswell but they have proven more difficult to obtain. ;(
Yeah in Carbon they were BS. I got the "Played online during a race week" achievement though because I reviewed it... before the game was even officially out 8)7

I got it in Small Arms my first online game as well.

[JasonA]

Yeah that one was a nice idea but I downloaded the game as soon as it came out and got the achievement after my first game so wasnt really the most challenging. I think NFS:Carbon has 3 of these viral achievements in it aswell but they have proven more difficult to obtain. ;(

Yeah I got all of the NeedforSpeed viral achievements on the day they went out thanks to an EA mod - but could I ever beat him.....NOPE...

[Sc0tty2h0tty17]

Don't know if any1 had this problem with NFS:MW. After beating razor at the end I never received the 350 points. Now that I have beaten him I cant go back and beat him again without creating a new memory. Needless to say I'm a little sour about that.

and yes hosting 50 matches in GOW is stupid cause I have literally waited in a room for 20 minutes without a single person joining. (wish they would bring back host name so I could easily play with my friends.... here comes the flaming)

[nofear360]

(wish they would bring back host name so I could easily play with my friends.... here comes the flaming)
You're safe here buddy. This is not Xbox.com forum ;)

[JasonA]

Don't know if any1 had this problem with NFS:MW. After beating razor at the end I never received the 350 points. Now that I have beaten him I cant go back and beat him again without creating a new memory. Needless to say I'm a little sour about that.

and yes hosting 50 matches in GOW is stupid cause I have literally waited in a room for 20 minutes without a single person joining. (wish they would bring back host name so I could easily play with my friends.... here comes the flaming)

After beating Razor at the end of Most Wanted, I had achievement unlocked whilst I was half way through escaping from the police in the very very last chase once you've beaten everything.

[Sc0tty2h0tty17]

Yea I completely beat the game with the final chase and everything. Don't really know what happened. I think I'm the victim of a cruel gamerscore whore joke that EA is playing.

[AugustusBot]

GOD!! I thought you was joking until I checked your xbox profile...

That is retarded, an achievement worth no points - pretty soon there'll be achievements which deduct points as well as add them probably.

Superman Returns
Not that Super - 0 points - Entered a cheat code in a desperate plea for help.
Frequent Flyer - 30 points - Travel For 10,000 Miles
Heavy Lifting - 30 - Lift 10,000 Tons Throughout The Game


I like the idea of the "Not that Super" achievement, and the TMNT falling in the manhole achievement. Basically markers that say, "This guy right here... he sucks."

But as for RETARDED achievements? Frequent Flyer and Heavy Lifting take the cake. I loaned the game out to a guy here at work and he agrees they are insane... When you complete this game, you have maybe 1/6 of the Flight even if it took you a ridiculously long time to beat the game. When you're done w/ the game you have maybe 1/15th of the Heavy Lifting one, unless of course you died at least 10 times on the first non tutorial level, and lifted every single 66,000 lb item on said level each time before you died.

I still don't have frequent flyer, because it would require taping off my controller and flying back and forth for 9 hours. RETARDED.

[Curry]

There's automated devices for getting such stupid achievements these days btw ;)

[DM2]

there are indeed, they are called children. very handy for all achievments that take a long time :)

[Rival24]

Chinese children which are under payed? :P

[DM2]

no I just use my own son and daughter :) it's cheaper they do it for free.

[Curry]

Haha that's evil :D I sure hope you don't put a headset on them :P

[DM2]

no headset, just a mic :)

[max2663]

8)7 in bfmeII you get stoopid acheivments for doing shitty thangs like loosin 2 someone 20 levels higher than and its worth zero its just like what the fuck for???????? its probably why halo 3 is taking so long to develop8)7

[PaulWillocks]

Gears of War
------------

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!

YOU ARE A TWAT (0GP)
You officially think you are amazing at gears of war and everyone should respect you.
You have unlocked the ability to determine who goes on what team. You have the right
to shout out orders to people and boot players for no apparent reason.
We also forgot to mention that the world revolves around you and only you matter.
Congratulations you have become a grade A TWAT.

Sorry, I forgot this one doesn't actually exist but I think it should.

[Lotus 111s]

Gears of War
------------

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!

YOU ARE A TWAT (0GP)
You officially think you are amazing at gears of war and everyone should respect you.
You have unlocked the ability to determine who goes on what team. You have the right
to shout out orders to people and boot players for no apparent reason.
We also forgot to mention that the world revolves around you and only you matter.
Congratulations you have become a grade A TWAT.

Sorry, I forgot this one doesn't actually exist but I think it should.

Class, if only it existed._o_

[xYouGot0wnedx]

Worst Achievements ever=PDZ
they're just overly hard.

[max2663]

nah the ones like seriously on gow (one which i dont think anyone will be getting any time soon!) or be number one on online rankings. or the you have no life achievment (100 hours gaming real time)8)7 they are the truly hard ones

[xYouGot0wnedx]

Is the 100 hours achievement on Far Cry, or what game?

[Jasovanooo]

the 9 zero point achievements in quake 2 are a bit pointless tho it was a bonus game i guess

[sNaRe]

GOD!! I thought you was joking until I checked your xbox profile...

That is retarded, an achievement worth no points - pretty soon there'll be achievements which deduct points as well as add them probably.

Actually Microsoft could never deduct any points from your gs no matter what. Zero is the lowest amount of points that could be possible given in any achievement. They have lots of regulations for achievements you know...

[Chris]

Some achievements are dumb.

[Fanappy]

How about all of the ones for TMNT the game of the film this will replace King Kong on easy achievements.

[JasonA]

The biggest retard achievement is the one below: Zero Hour VIP

http://tiles.xbox.com/tiles/GJ/05/04CLiGJhbC9FFQUXXCFRGEU1L2FjaC8wLzEAAAAA5+fn-BadAw==.jpg

[Curry]

You're just jealous.

How about all of the ones for TMNT the game of the film this will replace King Kong on easy achievements.
Apart from that King Kong was actually an enjoyable title, and I gave up on TMNT after about 10 minutes :X

[nofear360]

You're just jealous.


Apart from that King Kong was actually an enjoyable title, and I gave up on TMNT after about 10 minutes :X
For me, King Kong was plain boring. Knowing I'd get all 1000 points just by playing the game kept me going :)

[Curry]

Heh I never played it, I'm just going by what I've heard ;)

[nofear360]

Heh I never played it, I'm just going by what I've heard ;)
Well, you've heard wrong stuff about it then lol. If you ever consider getting it, don't expect to be entertained much.

[MrMoen]

King Kong is such a bad game. It was hard not falling asleep on that one

[Curry]

I said it was enjoyable, not good :P

[SneakySnake]

Always Remember Your First - 10 G_Icon_External.gif
Finish playing a versus ranked match

I guess it's not horrible, but honestly, pretty much anyone who has about 30 seconds of time can get this. It seems like a throw away of 10 points. Apparently in the upcoming update they are adding in some new achievements for Gears, since MS now raised the point cap by 50 or something? Maybe more...like 125 or something. IDK.

[Curry]

I can't care too much about those 10 points. Cloning Clyde had the same, Small Arms had the same. It's less lame imho than 50 points for Call of Duty 2 tutorial.

[swaggers]

FIFA 2007

Undefeated.
Remain undefeated for 50 games in Semi-Professional difficulty.|:(

The whole FIFA 07 system is junk.

After 50, the next milestone is.....60. Genius. 10 more. Then lets go to 300!

The Man of Match rewards are tied to what position the person is best at. Not what they are playing. Play a Midfielder at Striker? Game doesn't care, you win Midfielder. Even though in game it has him listed as Forward.

[Curry]

Lol that's plain stupid indeed :D

[JasonA]

Always Remember Your First - 10 G_Icon_External.gif
Finish playing a versus ranked match

I guess it's not horrible, but honestly, pretty much anyone who has about 30 seconds of time can get this. It seems like a throw away of 10 points. Apparently in the upcoming update they are adding in some new achievements for Gears, since MS now raised the point cap by 50 or something? Maybe more...like 125 or something. IDK.

How strange...I played GEARS with you the other day, which must have been before you came here. It was a ranked match. I was a crappy locust - and god it's boring

[FoolInjection]

How about this one...

Tiger Woods PGA Tour 07
Play in 5 online Tournaments - 20

Yeah great, easy 20 points right, nothing retarded about that... WRONG!

The Daily Tournaments are screwed and the first one you do is the only one that counts on your stats list... so you can never reach the 5 required.

The only way to get this acheivment is for EA to patch it... and being EA we ALL know thats never going to happen.

So theres 20 points I'm never going to get.

[jacobmars]

The flawed 'Unlock all reward cards' in NFS Carbon.

Essentially, you can't. For example (those who haven't played the game) there are three types of cars to play with; exotics, muscles, and tuners, and three achievements as well as reward cards are that you fill up your garage with all tuner, all exotics, and all muscle under one campaign. What sucks is that the reward cards you already unlocked are not carried over to the next profile, so you can unlock the ahievement but it can't happen as a rewards card, and that means you can't unlock all the reward cards.

I also hate the impossible GoW achievements, killing anyone with a specific weapon 10,000 times? That means 10,000 headshots, 10,000 grenade sticks, oi, I don't have the patience, will, or interest to go through all that.

HA u said oi, thats so british:) :)

[Curry]

At least Guitar Hero II gives 10 points for failing a song on Easy mode :+

[Chris]

GH2 achievements are all pretty awesome.