One Word buddy Giant Frucken Crabs.

[kobejonez]

This is AMAzING this is the potentially the biggest news story you've probably never even heard of and thanks to a source who does give a fake name (as he is in hiding and is pretty much living underground due to fears for his safety).
but obviously will remain incognito who is a dear friend and one time colleague of mine I can exclusivly post some of this wild document and a link to the RAR file containing the actual story(which is too large to post hear unless someone says other wise;) Here. http://www.kobejonez.karoo.net/crab.rar. you might want to print it.

Here is the first paragraph.

This story must be told please send it to everyone...

Death and "rather large" Crabs at e3
(Sony's coverup and denial of a very odd story)
Games Columist Rod Cannon lifts the lid on this legendary cult "non" event.

"ummm make into a transformer so it can kick some decepticon ass when sony decide then ps3 is ready and unable to defend it self cos they didnt add the transforming feature citing the Implausible argument "that feature was'nt regarded as neccesary or relevent to an entertainment platform" once again sony making promises that deliver on". These were the words of an Xbox 360 forum poster.So it seems that some people DO remember vividly the tales of the admitedly cool demo at the 2005 E3 event when the then head of SCEA stunned the crowds of sweaty food stained gaming journo's after a lukewarm LOD demo involving a sink and duckies or something equally naff by the shock announcement and subsquent demonstration of a previous withheld feature of the overly cocky and ultimately flawed Blu-ray disc player with a console tacked on as an incentive to consumers package a do or die format which they cling with to in the hope it can catch on and hopefully get em out of debt.There wasn't a underwhelmed sarcastic comment made you couldnt hear during the pause where the late not to mention ex CEO cleared his throat and gather his thoughts before kind of ironicly playing the "Trump Card". A few of the crowd were all ready leaving unimpressed and forgetting the lacklustre performance of the mighty ps2's succeser due sight of boothbabes and smell of snack foods coming from microsoft's booth then He spoke what would be his last words. "Ahhh! we're not quite done" he teased the crowd as they were about leave also for boothbabes and/or snackfoods whilst they made barbed sarcastic remarks the about how lame the ps3 demo was. Then he let proudly let rip "Theres one more feature we havnt shown you, and its been top secret until today....." he pauses for effect and to let that sink in but he only managed a begrudging well make it quick look from the dejected and somewhat annoyed(presumably they high hopes for sony's 3rd and last console) assembly, tho some did just keep on going. It was a make or break moment as he somewhat desperatly dropped the final bomb in the ps3's inadequet feature arsenal. He savoured what thought would be his glory moment when he saved his company and his gaming public
by annoucing that "PS3 wast just a vehicle for not one irrelevent to gaming(there by useles in a games console) technology but two(but again admitted way cooler than first, but still it would turn out another millstone round the neck drowning format that sony staff refered to as project white-elephant through out its troubled 6.5 year development stating as an explination to PS fans that it would be white and that if was an animal it would be an elephant due to it not insignifcant weight which has been famously described by again Sony team players as akin to 3 xboxs and with a ps2 and ps1 on top for good measure(still a 3-2 win to M$) and one stage was gonna hava a prehensile nose appendige that gamers could use as new interactive game device and the ps3 could use sniff out the players crotch or beg for potato chips the staple diet of both the gamer and oddly the ps3) After fighting with a clunky place holder os(which ironicly would still be in place upon its release notable for being one of the few original unchanged elements to the everchanging
pachyderm) he managed to cue it up the stage was set for greatness again he allowed him self a proud moment savouring its/and his awesomeness.

This is the tip of iceberg, the story continues....

[Curry]

LOL man what've you been smoking :D

[Nino]

Get a hobby ;). And enough with the Genji 2 jokes ;(.

[kobejonez]

And enough with the Genji 2 jokes ;(.

Maybe I should post some more as its only semi Genji2 related ;) :D
.....
The crowd tho still not actually heading towards the other guys lemonade stand wernt fully aware of his pride or what was about to happen gave an impatient agitated looks and sighs as this would be yet another gimmick and a useless one at that.) Lost in his moment he looked up at the fans the gamers the little people(ok well gaming journalists) and He uttered what he must been thinking when he had the full if disgruntled and some what unwashed attention of the attending mistaking they're intense edgy stares as interest and they were excited to by this awesome moment his next words confirmed this as he filled up with the shear magnamous scale of what this would mean to Average joe consolegamer and how it was so awesome of him and sony to present to the great unwashed well the unwashed at least with it in person. And the crowd were hanging on his every word and were as stoked he was with this as he was and with genuine emotion he triumphanty annouced "This ones for YOU guys, for the people who have stayed loyal to PS brand for so long and making us who we are today we give you quite simply the real revolution(no doubt a sly dig at nintendos Wii stil known then as the revolution) in nextgen console gaming" he then walked about 30 feet away from the ps3 and stood on the left of stage. The crowd puzzled by this continued watching his moment of triumph as they would a trainwreck(ironicly they almost were), though still checking out the booth babes every now and then, and thinking about high salt high fat low nutrition food more than what this guy was saying. "He started saying how big this feature was in more ways than one and they hadnt actually found any gaming applications for it yet it was a significant step in making expensive troublesome nongaming features on consoles a mainstream reality" as one eyewitness paraphrased. As the CEO explained himself whilst unknowingly heading towards an urgent and as some of his friends would say untimely meeting in that great boardroom in the sky. "by being so cool that it could be argued the ps3 was merely clinging to it and it would be awesome standalone feature in itself but because We're sony and you guys love us so much and we love you guys especially those of you who have disposable incomes and no family or friends to be distracted by we give you a little(a little chuckle to himself at his obvious misnomer for something as big as this was gonna be...) something back" the pause then applause but had this guy actually been aware of anything beyond his moment he would of seen a hose pipe fight between two rival boothbabes.........

[Sir SpankalotUK]

ok I read all that, nearly nodded off, the poor english kept me awake, wheres the point?????? get to it man!

[Rival24]

Anybody wants to give me a summary? I quit reading after the first 2 sentences :P

[kobejonez]

Oh it goes on for time ....yada yada etc

then the good bit happens eventually..

He picks up "Yeah so that sound It means a lot to me and I have this a love for this feature that so deep cos it took the bad I associated with noise and made good again I miss optimum and I cant even replace him cos they don't remember the older version of Prime I'm guessing the older Version 1.0 prime is super rare but I understand why he to upgrade to a truck and not really want to dwell on his original look cos it made feel self conscious about his VW days but thats how I'll always remember The One and Only Optimum prime who guidance and critism made me dedicate myself to reproducing that noise as much like transformer as possible for a non-transformer and this is the apex of my dedication and my efforts to be the best I actually recorded it for the PS3 and this feature" hes moving back across the stage. "Ok if the system decides that I have hit right colour sequence the settings we need to iron out a few of bugs in ps3's "the turn settings menu into a full game featuring logic puzzles and maths mini games and eyetoy functionality" feature but I have my best guys working round the clock on those and other cool features like the one I now present to you with greatest of pride" the dudes practically about cry with happiness and when he like he might actually start blubbing he turns toward the ps3 and takes a deep breath and he looks up "This ones for you optimum buddy" he says quietly and looks back toward the PS3 and outta no where at top of his voice he yells as loud as he can "CRAB!!!!" you can hear the emotion in his voice and theres a almost tangible longing in that one brief like a cry for help...The crowd were unsure where exactly to look. Man appearing to have break down presumably to his failed demonstration of what should been the star of event and was'nt because its spectacular failure to live up to the high expectations people had of this console. Something or someone must of heard this passionate plea for love and exceptance the ps3 start making whirring noise like something happening inside all of suddon the transformer noise is the sound now blaring from tthe somewhere and it snatched his cry from the air the crowd as one turn to the ps3 and something very odd happens with the noise its all happening very quickly but eyewitness say seemed to happen in slowmo. They turn back to our soon to be dead anti here who is running towards the shiny object arms open that was emerging from the margerine tub/console/entertainment centre/and it now appears to also be a crab shack. Though people did'nt initially make out what is was. "Well it wwas shiny for start first thing I noticed then I noticed it was quite small but then Blammo its transformed it self into this BIG shiny spider nope crab definitely in blink of eye" when asked how big it actually was he replied " Oh it must got to it full size in the time it took make the noise, it had these telescopic legs and it rose up man like straight..up and from to the legs two sets of glinting pincers all in about 2.3seconds...I'm guessing the guy from sony was sucidal or something cos he's running right at and guess it thought he was a threat or something cos y'know his arms were up he had a wireless pad. The Crab had got to his full height and still had to process the threat level which I must of been high 'cos of the desperation in the guys voice and now an armed assailant approaching fast so it braced action then bam.....y'know" Although the actual descriptions vary one detail is repeated by each witness "It was so precise" and " It was definitely one smooth movement in he ran into range of it claw and it snapped shut round the guys neck decapting the dude perfectly as his head falls off the crabs claw and his body is still travelling towards the crab which it deals with by standing back and the body just sort of flop before the crab covering it in blood which is gushing like a geyser from this sony douche's head used be." he continues "I don't know what started first the applause or the screaming but the crab must heard the screams so like theres one possible threat and then must of figured y'know the clapping and hollering be gunfire and more screaming."
One of the witnesses who was stood in front row recalls " After that I next happening remember is Camera flashes then it turned towards us" when asked if they thought it likely that it had mistakingly interepted these lights as muzzle flash and assumed it was dealing multiple armed threats . "You should seen it man I think must misread something cos it jumped down in to the where we were in front row and had one of the camera guys who was near me as quickly as he done with the Sony guy but this time he doesnt close his but lifts the guy up by his neck and is just know staring at him looking him up and down with his cool looking eyes on stalks and then another guy with camera who is behind the first guy sees a photo oppotunity takes it and he gets into position and just when hes about take his first picture the crab y'know just extends its other pincer and again its so precise and damn fast it had stopped just in front of the camera, the guy never got his picture just a the scare of his life as the pincher of showed up in his viewfinder and he was whiter than white my buddy Josh who was nearer him said was he sure guy actually shit his pants. So it takes the camera between the end of its claw, and holds it up so it can see it better and the guy only just remembers to let go of it then it snips the strap around the guys neck then it threw his camera and he all releaved when the crab focus again on the first guy whos by making these cool choking noise and has gone very red in the face. the crab releases its grip and the guy falls to the floor like been knocked out by a Mike Tyson knockout punch to the head. The second guy has'nt moved still I guess he may been suffering shock though Josh is sure he doesnt want move for fear smearing the dookie there making more apparant that he messed his shorts. But the guy isnt moving an inch and after throwing the guys camera the crab had'nt moved its claw its still pointing six inches from the guys face. Then suddenly from the direction of the M$ booth comes this scream and its a women and shes screaming still as all the he second guy, the crab and the rest of the crowd turned towards it although we could'nt see as the back of the stand was facing us so we can hear the screaming and all ready the crab is y'know planning it stratergy and stuff and then it seemed to move quicker than previously had we all heard this dull thud from behind us we turn back round in time to see the crab moving at speed to the towards the screams but was incredible to see something moving that fast sideways so when I looked back to the second guy he was just hitting the floor and Josh is going nuts hes like "AWW dude did you see that shit? aww man that shiny muthafucka popped Mr Shit on the noggin nice as u like must hit the spot too cos homeboy went crosseye and now he's on all up on the floor shit." then he leans down towards the guy and sniffs and he doe's thing he always does when hes near a turd, sort wrinkles his face up then he on the guy "Oh yeah we have dark matter, ooooohweeee this dude needs lay the off low fibre high fat diet because thats one stale butt nugget, but on bright side I guess he aint constipated no more judging by the size " and with that he starts lauging and it sort of releases the tension of the moment and then I started then a few people joined in around then it spread across the crowd then everyone started going nuts cheering and applauding and hollering "Crab!" over and over again until we had to stop and quickly change it to Sony when then crab appeared from the side of the microsoft stand and gave us a warning click of its claw. Which I noticed had what looked like fabric though I could'nt see what it actually was but Josh told saw it too and he is sure to this day that was a boothbabe t-shirt and he thinks the crab did this on purpose as they were clearly not wearing bras and Josh actually spoke to a guy that had talked to one the boothbabes and she told him that the on the M$ guy had offered them $75 more each to wrestle with out bras(And they accepted this only cos they really really needed the money so the Boothbabe told this guy)."

[Sir SpankalotUK]

found the important bit

Author's Disclaimer.....none of this is actually true and strangely enough does'nt have any grounding in reality...accept that sony are screwing consumers by watering down the PS experience with their useless blu-ray format.
Glen Louder aka KobeJOnez of the Just Foundation is the author of this work of fiction and neither or any employees were really harmed. but the giant crab got canned www.kobejonez.karoo.net

[kobejonez]

found the important bit

100G to the man in the rather sharp suit. :D

Damn I wish I actually took the time to of re-read and edit it. should'nt of typed it on my mobile ¬_¬

[Chris]

waste of time.

[Zerodisorder]

Why would you type that on your phone, yet alone at all :?

[kobejonez]

Why would you type that on your phone, yet alone at all :?

JK about the phone. boredom mostly.

[Zerodisorder]

You got alot of time to kill than lol.

[kobejonez]

You got alot of time to kill than lol.

Not so much now I'm at college, I really need to pay more attention in english class though :D.

[Zerodisorder]

For all the money college is, hell yea.